Generational Trauma & Motherhood #1

LESSON ONE: RECOGNIZE THE PATTERN

To begin healing generational trauma, new mothers must first be able to recognize unhealthy behavior patterns within themselves and their families of origin.

In our introduction we mentioned:

·       emotional neglect (lack of responsiveness to or inability to hold space for big emotions such as frustration, sadness, or anger)

·       sexual abuse (early exposure to sexuality, oversexualization or sexual assault on children)

·       substance abuse (observation of the use of substance as a means to cope, the overindulgence of substances in social settings or the introduction of substance consumption to a child at an early age)

It can also look like:

·       Denial. For example, families that have experienced incest or sexual abuse within the family may not have the capacity to hold the shame of this wrongdoing and will find it easier to pretend like it didn’t happen. Holding secrets creates rifts between family members and breeds distrust. Denial robs children of their truth and can lead to a lifetime of questioning their own reality.

·       A poverty mindset. Especially true for parents who feel as if they “missed out” on opportunities for self-growth due to the responsibilities of being a parent. Parents may discourage their children from having big dreams or encourage their children to pursuit goals that are below their capabilities. Teaching a poverty mindset out of one’s own insecurities robs children of their innate talents and opportunities to apply their inherent skills.

·       Racism. When families hold oppressive beliefs about others based on race, they will likely pass these beliefs onto their children. Subtle comments, nuanced microaggressions or outright violence aimed at people based on their racial background can be learned at home and mimicked on the school yard. Racism robs children of their ability to create meaningful relationships with people who are different from them.

·       Pressure to achieve. When parents lack satisfaction in their own life achievements or were themselves overachievers, they may put immense pressure on their own children to perform the same way. Overscheduling activities or forcing children to engage in activities that are not meaningful for them or are outside of their personal capabilities can lead to mental exhaustion. The pressure to achieve robs children of their ability to rest and takes time away from their own self-exploration.

By now, you might have already considered the generational traumathat exists within your own family of origin. Sometimes a specific person and a specific behavior comes to mind.

Do the men in your family tend to cheat on their wives? Is your auntie condescending and resentful of her daughter’s accomplishments? Do your parents continually engage in immature arguments and pull you in to play the referee?

You might even think about a behavior you engage in now with your own children,

Are you easily frustrated when your child lacks a sense of urgency in the morning? Do you freeze whenever your child has a tantrum in public? Or do you use physical force to discipline in the moment and immediately regret it once your child has withdrawn from you?

The first step in healing generational trauma is to identify the exact behavior pattern that is causing harm and naming it.

Answer these questions before Lesson #2

What behavior patterns do you observe in your family to cause harm to others? What behavior patterns do you see in your own mothering to be at high risk of harming your child?

Describe a time you experienced heavy emotions due to this generational curse.

Hold on to your answers to these questions as we move on to Lesson #2.

 <3 eLLe